| the guy at the fair let me have a basketball...i play soccer bud. |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|12:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Only Living Boy In New York | ] |
so i decided that i don't ever want to grow up.
ever.
i should just stay 15. i dont care about the lisence, the R movies...none of it.
i don't want to grow up. i want to go back when i was 8
its not the 'responsablity' that im afraid of..or the fact that im gonna have to be more independent. people want that. i want that. what i don't want is to have to say good bye. i know that sounds lame..cause its highschool and you have youre friends..but still, 3 years left. then youre gone, youre off..and i dont want to because i know that those 3 years are gonna go fast. faster than when realised that im getting my permit soon. and i dont know..i hate good byes. i hate losing friends. dispite the fact that yeah, after the 3 years there is college..and thats 4 years of hard study..not to mention hard partying..but i dont care about that. i wish i could just bundle up all the people i care about and have them forever. and weather that sounds too..self centered or thinking that all should go my way...its just, i've had to say too many good byes. and all of them started as a 'its not goodbye, its see ya later' and a 'talk to you asap' and they almost all ended as i havent talked to them in what feels like forever and havent seen them since they went off. weather it was going to college, or a different highschool. and even death. i went through the hardest times in my life this year. with boys, parents, grades, school, and saying goodbye to my godmother forever. and people can just say 'oh yeah..sorry about that' because some people arent that close to some of their relatives. but she was there wheni was born. the first person to hold me who wasnt blood related. yes shes related by the catholic church but i dont know. her death took me back. seeing her in the hospital her last days, knowing that no matter what she was going to pass away..even knowing that..it still was the hardest thing for me to go through.
when i was little my sister was in car crash. her car rolled 4 times. and even being little then, i still thought it was horrible..and untill the day of my irmas death (my god mother) i thought that the night my sister got in her crash was the worst thing ever. the hardest i had to go through. because i love my sister. she taught me how to read. she taught me how to do math..and i realize, im gonna have to face hard opsticals down the road. and thats why i dont want to grow up. i know i'll get through them, and i know that there will be the next day to make it better.
we think about tomorrow but we've only got today.
and really, tomorrow is never granted to be there for you. and i dont know if i want it to be there or not..because me not wanting to grow up is a big sign of being imature. or something like that. its just me not wanting to say goodbye. no one wants too, be we all have too sometime. and im scared that the next goodbye i have to do, wheater its tomorrow or in 7 years..its gonna be hard to get over. im still not over irma and it was 2 months ago that she died...and i feel, and i know that i wont ever be over it.
i dont know what the point of this was. im just scared for something and i dont even know what it is. |
|
|
| gahhhhhhhhhhhh goats are cool. and so are buttons. |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|06:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab. | ] |
i dont know..
if you know what im talking about, which only one of you does....im sorry. things are going bad..
and im finally saying it out loud for the first time in 15 years.
Shelby Swanson I care for you every day. I love you. You're my Swansonator. Thank you for the 5 extra days.....its never been anyone elses name on my hand. just yours. and i dont care that i get made fun of and told to take showers (even though i do) to get it off. and when it did whipe off and i noticed it because i was thinking about things i shouldnt be but still am..i started to cry.
i wish i could drive.
so that i could drive away from here before i do attempt my stupid idea of living freely.....oh god please help me. |
|
|
| go sew your mom a sweater and tell her martha stewerts out of jail |
[Jan. 29th, 2005|04:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let Go-Frou Frou | ] |
nobody reads this anymore, so this is the perfect place to cut it out of me.
so that was a mistake...
i've been making a lot of mistakes latley..
i should go in the book.
Main mistake i made, telling a guy that i like him when he doesnt like me back. (richie, we can so relate with our problems its crazy)and now everything is akward when i talk to him or atleast attempt too and end up saying sorry, sorry, sorry..i dont know..friends are really there like they used to be. and highschool love is just going to fade out anyway..people get sick of you, they get tiered of hearing about your problmes..and thats how you try to become friends, or im not even sure how you make friends anymore. im to much of a wacked out freak to even know. friends ive made in the past few years have been cool. especially one of them. and now, all of the sudden, im looked at as being the lest bit important to them. its harsh, this world is harsh. i'll throw you in it, cut you all up, and expect you to go running around to find the pieces so you can put your self back together, and if your lucky..you have a friend to help you. well right now, im running around looking for the pieces while being blind. this is a weird entry or whatever. but i didnt want to put it in my myspace-cause everyone goes there now and my really close friends (if i have such a thing) still some what have this. im so confused and frustrated. i should just have kept my mouth shut |
|
|
| sharpen your pencils its time for pie eatting contests. |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|10:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | everclear | ] |
i miss my smiles. and i miss my laughs.
lots has been going on. i think i lost a friend or two....thats never good.
but maybe a suggestion to the boy which i have cutie pie love feelings and a kiss on the cheeck bliss would do the trick?
and maybe...its just me missing me. because i used to make people laugh and have good time. and now all i do is seem to upset some, or ending up at me becoming upset with myself..im not sure which.
'you wear that party dress and black mascara like a queen for the day.' |
|
|
| Sir Arthur Conan Doyle |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|07:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Interpol | ] |
You make me loose my buttons.
Oh yeah you make me spit I dont like my clothes anymore.
Yeah your spending time and money yeah your colder than yourself now we're moving now we're taking.......
Control.
I should really have not gone out there tonight.
And because I didnt listen
And because I was stupid..
I payed the price.
And now im frightened more than ever. |
|
|
| Our last resort is eachother.. |
[Jan. 7th, 2005|09:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beautiful Freak | ] |
No one is true. Everyone lies and no one is straight forward with you anymore. Its all fake, no ones friends with anyone. Not even with their selfs. They lie. They cheat. No one is real like they used to be.
We all need the truth.
We all need to be real.
Even You and Me...
And the cutie down the street.. |
|
|
| Jenny was a friend of mine. |
[Jan. 4th, 2005|07:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | intimidated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Eels | ] |
so like, Im 15 with a Cellular. Which is pretty cool.
Im a little confused about things. And I regret what I did last night with my brother.
I should have just said..
No. |
|
|
| 2005..go shoot yourself. |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|07:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bob Marley | ] |
Why do people care how I pronounce certain words?
So I say aboot. So what? It's not like I make fun of you for saying about.
Does it really matter? Because it makes me mad and I really don't think its fair if making fun of someone just makes you feel better about yourself. How does that help? I use an example of something you find offensive to show you how it makes me feel and then you freak out when it was only an example.
Tonights my last night of being 14. Tomorrow morning Im going to the doctors for my heart. Great way to start off the year. I used to think it was cool that my birthday was right at the beginning of the year. Now I dont feel like waking up for my own friends to come to my birthday party. Then again, which of you really are my friends? The ones that make fun of me? Or the ones that talk behind other peoples backs..Or maybe they all do both of those and I just can't tell.
'It seems like now and days all everyone does is invite certain people over just to make other ones happy, even if youre not.'
Aaron, I Love You. Thanks For Everything. |
|
|
| me and my subtraction will just move to austraillia then... |
[Dec. 31st, 2004|01:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Andy. You're a Star- The Killers | ] |
I LIKE SUBTRACTION MORE THEN ADDITION
WHATEVER
so like, i realized that i've been doing a lot of formal stuff and i totally forgot about my birthday..which is like, in 2 days :( and now im like making me freak out! no me gusta mi cumpleanos.
aarons getting me garden state :)
i got jeans. and im proud.
YOU'VE JUST BEEN DONKIED!!! THREE FINGERS DOWN DIAGONAL!! YEAH MIKAELA KAYLEIGH AND I RULE! |
|
|
| subjects are for dudes who lick their department stores |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|10:54 pm] |
He whistles and he runs so hold him fast
I wish that this break was over.
Breathe a burn, you want to let it last
2005 New Years Plans:
Become your friend.
And not let go of that.
He might succumb to what you haven't seen
He has a keen eye for what you used to be... |
|
|
| donde esta mi pato? |
[Dec. 20th, 2004|07:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | smile like you mean it | ] |
it'll be okay
things will work out
theres nothing to worry about
just talk it over
you'll feel better
you'll get over it
........
what would jesus do?
not you, or you...
but the real him. |
|
|
| thing i stole from pauls lj :) |
[Dec. 18th, 2004|02:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | THE PIANO MAN | ] |
::What is your full name: VirginaAnn Nolan Carter 'Annie'(duh)
::Nicknames:Anna Bell Luis Jose, Bell, Skittles, Canadian, whatever..
::Birthdate: 01 02 90
::Where do you live? DEL MAR (the fake one)
::What school do you attend? TPHSSSS
::Siblings and their ages? Katy-18 Liz-21 John-23 Tom-27
::Sex: F
::Righty or Lefty: Right for writting, Left for baseball batting
::Hair color: brown
::Eye color: bluee
::Height: 5'4
::Do u wear contacts or glasses? nope
::Do you have any piercings? nope
::Where do you want more if you do? uh, i dont know
::Do you have a tattoo? nope
::Do you wear any rings?nope
::Is there any certain trend you follow? do jeans and sweater count? lol
>>>Just Lately
::What pants are you wearing right now? jeans
::What shirt are you wearing right now? an I (heart) NY shirt
::Where did you just come from? flower hill
::What song are u listening to right now? some Jet song
::What was the last thing u ate? chicken quesadillia
::How is the weather right now? sunny
::Last person u talked to on the phone: aaron
::Last Dream you can remember: driving a car on a roof
::Who are you talking to right now? the swansonater
::What time is it? 300
::What are the last four digits of your phone number? 6408
::If u were a crayon, what color would you be? HOT PINK (thats the one i would eat when i was little :/)
::Have you ever almost died? everydayyyyyyy BROTHERS ARE WACKOS
::How do u eat an Oreo: the sexy way
::What makes u happy? seeing my brothers
::What's the next CD you are going to buy? No Se
::What's the best advice ever given to you? simle :)
::Have u ever won any special awards? haha
::What are your future goals? being a good driver
::Do u like to dance? haha, aaron sandwitch
::Worst sickness u ever had? stomach flu
::What's the stupidest thing u've ever done? ...no regrets..right jewely?
::What's your favorite memory? going on my first upside down ride
::If u could change one thing about yourself what would it be? no more braces!
::How many kids do you want to have? 2?
::Son's name? mm..john? i dont know
::Daughter's? i dont know haha
::Do you do drugs? nope
::Do you drink? hahaha...
::What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? i've been asked this so many times--the kind thats in the shower already
::What sport do you hate the most? i dont hate sports at all
::What are you most scared of? HORSES!
::How many ppl in your house? 9 usually
:Do you have your own phone line or cell phone? nope..
::Do you sleep w/ stuffed animals? oo la la
::Who do you tell your dreams too? haha, kayleigh
::Who's the loudest friend you have? Kayleigh?
Misc. Stuff
::Is cheerleading a sport? you betcha
::Do you have a crush? possible
:Who is your crush? adam brody ;)
::Do you believe in Love at first sight? nah
::What song do you want played at your wedding? haha, i dont know
::What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? hair? nose?
::Longest crush? mmm..6 months? that was torture
::Do you find yourself attractive? hahaha...
::Do you find yourself ugly? hahaha
::Do others find you attractive? hahahaha
Which Is Worse
::Making out with Boy George or Rob Zombie? robby
::Having your tonsils or appendix removed? appendix
::Boxers or briefs: boxers? briefs? neither? ;)
::Long or short hair: medium
::Curly or straight: wavey
::Tall or short: tall
::Six pack or muscular arms? 6 pack
::who's your hottest friend? oh man
This Or That
::Lights on/off?: off
::Do u like snow, sun or rain? never been in snow (KAYLEIGH TAKE ME TO COLORADO!) um..sun..
::Mickey D's or BK? gross
::Do u like scary or happy movies better? scary
::Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? hahaha 98 degrees baby! lol jk
::On the phone or in person? in person
::Susauge or pepperoni? ew
::Summer or winter? winter
::Hugs or kisses? cute
::Chocolate or white milk: white
::Root Beer or Dr. Pepper?: nope
::Glass half full or half empty: full
::CD or Tape: cd
::Tape or DVD: dvd
::Cats or Dogs: dogs
::Mud or Jell-O wrestling: hahaha what a random thought
::Vanilla or Chocolate: vanilla
::Skiing or Boarding: cant do that..but boarding looks fun even though its the opposite of surfing
::Day or night: night
::Cake or pie: pie
::Silver or gold: silver
::Diamond or pearl: diamond
::Sunset or sunrise: sunset
Favorites
::Color: Green
::Food: Jewely Cookies
::Fast Food: Do you know who I am? I dont eat fast food.
::Beverage:
::Ice Cream Flavor: Vanilla
::sport: Surfing, Soccer..the S ones ;)
::Animal: Penguin
::Type of music? Indie?
::Radio Station: dont listen to it
::Song: right now? um..Leif Erikson
::Band: Interpol, duh
::Number: 44
:Actor or actress? um, actor? i dont understand this question
::day of the year? Jan. 2 2006
::TV Show: South Park
::Store: Rite Aid
::Scent: Aaron
::Game: spin the bottle..HAHA JUST KIDDING
Have You Ever
::Loved someone soo much it makes you cry? yeah..but not in the way of a boyfriend, ooh base..
::Smoked? haha, 5yr olds are silly
::Drank? who hasnt at this age?
::Broken the law? who hasnt at this age?
::Ran from the cops? haha, earl warren..
::Stole something? Laugh, Out, Loud
::Tried to kill yourself? this is depressing
::Made yourself throw up? This section sucks
::Been in love? tell me someone who has and i'll see if love is real
::Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? like i can remember? |
|
|
| just one moment while i whip out my shamoo picture |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|09:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Interpol-Public Pervert | ] |
I regret what I did.
Christmas:9 days
Jan. 2:17 days
July 2: 6 months 17 days
Jan 2 2006: 12 months 17 days
I want to grow up.
I can't believe I lost you.
I want you back with me. |
|
|
| I forgot who you were, then again..who am I? |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|05:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Not Even Jail | ] |
I dont know about you anymore--Youre a liar, and you prove me right everday sadly..
Im sick of sadness, it needs to leave. now.
all i wanted for christmas was to talk to you..
now i know how you are when im not around..
so now, all i want for christmas is to be 16 and drive away from you. |
|
|
| crawl into bed and say hello to your dreams |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|04:00 pm] |
'School, Parents, Future...Ferris can do anything...'
Everythings been turning upsidedown lately..and i dont agree with some of it.
I miss certain people these days..weeks.. I miss their laughter, I miss the love they sent off within moments of seeing or speaking to them..
Im Cold, Tiered and Sick. I thought i was getting better but im just getting worse :( |
|
|
| searching for whats right in life, when really..nothings ever right. |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | interpol | ] |
Touch your thighs, I'm the lonely one
Remember that lass, because that was the right one
Oh, all your mysteries are moving in the sun
And show some love and respect
Wanna get some love and respect
Baby you can see that the gazing eye won't lie
Don't give up your lover tonight
Cause it's just you, me and this fire, alright
Let's tend to the engine tonight
Oh
She found a lonely sound
She keeps on waiting for time out there
Oh love, can you love me babe
Love, is this loving babe
Is time turning around
Feast your eyes, I'm the only one
Control me, console me
Cause that's just how it should be done
Oh, all your history's like fire from a busted gun
Now show some love and respect
Don't wanna get a life of regret
But baby you can see that the gazing eye won't lie
Don't give up your lover tonight
She found a lonely sound
She keeps on waiting for time out there
Oh love, can you love me babe
Love, is this loving babe
Is time turning around
He slips into the bedroom
And you know he misses alright
Old names, we'll make sweet
Will sustain us through the night
Inside my bedroom baby
Touch me, oh tonight
Promises, we'll make some
Will reveal our sense of right
You should be in my space
You should be in my life
You should be in my space
You should be in my life
You could be in my space |
|
|
| searching for whats right in life, when really..nothings ever right. |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | interpol | ] |
Touch your thighs, I'm the lonely one
Remember that lass, because that was the right one
Oh, all your mysteries are moving in the sun
And show some love and respect
Wanna get some love and respect
Baby you can see that the gazing eye won't lie
Don't give up your lover tonight
Cause it's just you, me and this fire, alright
Let's tend to the engine tonight
Oh
She found a lonely sound
She keeps on waiting for time out there
Oh love, can you love me babe
Love, is this loving babe
Is time turning around
Feast your eyes, I'm the only one
Control me, console me
Cause that's just how it should be done
Oh, all your history's like fire from a busted gun
Now show some love and respect
Don't wanna get a life of regret
But baby you can see that the gazing eye won't lie
Don't give up your lover tonight
She found a lonely sound
She keeps on waiting for time out there
Oh love, can you love me babe
Love, is this loving babe
Is time turning around
He slips into the bedroom
And you know he misses alright
Old names, we'll make sweet
Will sustain us through the night
Inside my bedroom baby
Touch me, oh tonight
Promises, we'll make some
Will reveal our sense of right
You should be in my space
You should be in my life
You should be in my space
You should be in my life
You could be in my space |
|
|
| no one thought it, but it happened. |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|10:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mikaelas singing replaying in my head! | ] |
um yeah....
TPHS vs. LCC in the semifinals for CIF..uhh..who won? oh yeah right um let me see..
TORREY PINES!
no one will beat us. no one.
and who had school spirit, uhh ME!! yeah thats right, Cardnal and Gold socks, my freshman shirt, my soccer pants..yeahhhhh i was all tp
that was F U N! except i saw a person that im usually glad to see, yet she seemed a bit..
..not to pleased to be there? maybe just not happy? i dont know. i miss your laughter my sweet child. i honestly do. hope all is well with you..
Kayleigh likes that popcorn, and mikaela..well, shes just always stoned to even notice whats going on..right mikaela ;) yeah, you like the way i think (Wink Wink) :) SHE FEELS THAT MY SENTAMENTAL SIDE..i love that singing..and JANIES GOT A GUN! EVERYBODY RUN!
When sitting in a car alone with Mikaela on the left, and Kayleigh on the right, and yourself in the middle. Don't point out the left window and say Oh My Gosh! unless you want Mikaela to totally body slam you and scream. That was fun.
aarons better, no more poison for you my dear.
i miss someone, i havent even spoken to in the longest time. maybe even the longest we have gone..
tonight was unusual..but that, besides the fact of a little side note i notice, was great. |
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